Nothingness. (Old entry, thought I´ve lost it)

 One of those nights when you feel so lost, but so in peace.

Am I really what I´m supposed to be? I just found blank spaces and waves in the middle of  my nothingness.

But it´s not that I´m "supposed" to be someone, right? I should BE, and that´s it. And that´s one of my beautiful corners of disaster, I sometimes find myself thinking, "This is not what -insert your role model- will do", "I should not do it" but hey! why not?  but I´m caged, I´m caged. Luckily, I may be able to keep  all my strange hallways safe in that cage.

I say life is beautiful, I say life´s a bitch, I say life is music, I say life is you, I say life is me, I say life is pure burden memories. And the last option is the one that hurts me the most, and the one that I prefer to ignore. I have to end this. I have to destroy the nothingness.

I´ve hold dearly to useless things, I´ve hold dearly to clothes, I´ve hold dearly to technology, but I also have hold dearly to my feelings, way too much if you ask me. Way too much because they think they know me, and I´m obsessed with them.

Don´t give me away, do NOT give me away.

"Little did he/she know"....now, a  line of a movie intercepts my vision of writing. The movie is "Stranger than Fiction"  I´m so in love with this movie, but why? it is because of the "little did he/she know", all the hope that was needed to avoid a miserable ending was caged in those words, and why? why? why? it´s all about signs, it´s all about fate. The main character found his salvation when he met this man that knew everything about the uses of "little did he/she know" in literature.

Now, we´re back to my frame, to my inner story, sorry to bother you with my boring nothingness problem, it´s just so fascinating and delicate to me.  Am I losing my sensibility? Am I caring too much about me?

No, the problem is that I feel good, I don´t feel like I need something, I feel free... and I feel bad for feeling  like that. Yes, I´m a blank space.